One Year

So, I began this blog with the intent to focus on one topic, when I realized I had two ideas that fit under this specific title. Now that I've mentioned that here goes

Part I:
I've somewhat introduced you to my wonderful group of friends. In a later blog I intend on deepening that introduction on a more personal level, but for all intents and purposes, all you need to know is that I am the youngest of this group of guys. The one just older than me being born 14 months before myself. So, growing up this was wonderful! In fact, before my 12th birthday, I had a close friend who had his license and a car available. So instead of scootering to target on a rare occasion, we were driving across town to fry's electronics or some other location on a regular basis. Let alone the food options that quickly open up to you and your tummy! Any who, being members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a crazy phenomenon occurs. Chronologically, my friends would turn 19 and disappear. It was insane I had no idea what was going on! well, every single one of them did it. In fact some of them are missing. Although all have been spotted in random places across this hemisphere speaking up to four different languages. Two of them returned after a while and soon dispersed. One to live in Utah and the other found a rhyme (house and spouse.... or maybe it's wife and life? Both work). Well, the one just older than me disappeared on August 12th, 2009. This left me entirely alone to fend for my own. It's been barely over a year, and finally I received news that one of them might be coming home! This Wednesday even. So this year has been such a trial for me. I was left friendless and in despair. You might rebut, "You've got other friends Daniel!" To that I respond, "Yes, yes I do. Friends from school. Friends from EFY. Friends from this or that. But it's not quite the same. I value a select few of these other friendships just as much as those of the guys I grew up with, but most of these other relationships were created with a barrier. Be it distance, difference, or dissonance." My only solace was to turn to the Temple. And in doing so, I created a friendship that saved me on so many accounts. But, this isn't a happy blog. It has been tough times and they were mostly created by myself. I refused to believe that there was anyone could compete with my guys. Because of this mindset, I was not able to see so many wonderful individuals placed in my life to prove to me that there are incredible people outside of what my single sighted mind could see. So if you have ever felt neglected by me... I'm sorry. It's not because you're less than incredible. It was because of my ignorance, pride, and self pity. If it interests you, I would be more than willing to enlarge my circle of closest awesome friends ever if you would like. Let me know and we'll have a dandy of a time together.

Part II:
I am a die hard believer that there isn't one person that was made for us. One person destined to be our spouse. One person so incredible that even the elements react to start our relationship in motion. In fact, I believe God rarely ever does things to persuade lovers. That is against his power. That destroys agency. You may have seen the recent film Time Travelers Wife. It was created from a novel bearing the same title written by Audrey Niffenegger. I wish to read it because I imagine it was more about the wife instead of the time traveler as the movie depicts, but I am so full of crazy thoughts, that I cannot concentrate very long to read. I seem like the type of person that would enjoy reading, but it's just frustrating to me because I would read page after page only to not have any clue what I just read at all. In the film the TT(time traveler) visits this little girl her whole life growing up. And basically, she meets his younger self, and they fall in love because of his future self who persuaded her to bascically. So as they lay together one morning, he pulls out a ring and proposes. She looks, and says "No." She then continued to say, "I mean, yes... I just wanted to see if I really had a choice." Something to that effect.
With that introduction let me how it applies to my life and and how it correlates with "One Year". In one statement here it is. Every year for four consecutive years starting in 8th grade, I chose who I was going to love that year. And I really really loved that person. In fact, I still really really love everyone one of the girls I have chosen. I guess you could consider love a gift of mine. Maybe I was blessed with a different capacity to love. I am in deed am a romantic. 100%. One of my female EFY Councillors told the girls in our group on Wednesday Pizza Night, "Daniel's wife is going to be so lucky. He's going to make every day seem like Valentines Day for her." I'd love to think I could make that true and will attempt to. But with that said, what about my 'choosing'? That's not romantic!!! You didn't see her and fall in love at first sight. Or some insane connection was made that aligned the planets and you just new you had to be together. Honestly some of that stuff still happened, but even after I'd made the decision sometimes. But you want to know the truth? My way is the romantic way. Shoot. Are you kidding me? 'Falling' in love? Falling is a downward descension associated with lack of stability, support, and often times has an abrupt, injuring end. So it is when we 'fall' in love. Think about this. Girls. Do you want a husband that didn't really have a choice in marrying you? It was just placed before him and he just had to follow the path? How about someone who created imaginary lists with names of girls and specific characteristics that he knew would create a happy, succesful, loving relationship. Someone whom this person really really wanted to be with. Chosen above all others. Ya, I'll say that it's better. So.... do the same! You don't have to stick to one year I guess. For me it was beneficial because I didn't have to hold onto this girl. Whether it was a negative ending and I wanted to let go, or whether it was good I didn't have more time to develop a relationship I don't want before my mission. I'm not sure that you can consider anything I've done as dating. Often I would've liked to consider it such, but it never was. It never lasted more than a couple months, usually days or weeks. It was never based on physical closeness. In fact, there are only 6 people I have kissed since after the age of accountability. My mother. My two grandmas. And my three nieces. This accomplishment, I am very proud of! Yet.... I often times wish it were different. Many relationships may have been strengthened had I gone further physically. I have known girls to completely end our relationship and not talk to me ever again the moment they discover my ambitions. What a bummer. Some of those girls were cute! But seriously, it's so hard. Not to mention the girls that were worth my time and my kisses. And the urges and desires I have to be affectionate. But... I know I have been blessed for it. At least once, a friendship has been saved and even continued to grow because I did not give in to her... hm... luscious temptation. ;). As found in the bible, "Bridle all of your passions that you may be full of love." Maybe it's my ability to restrain that gives me my added desires of love. Maybe because I've waited so long for this, that when I finally do get the opportunity after my mission, it will just be incredible. Honestly, I'm not expecting to only kiss my wife. It may happen, but I don't care. I plan on kissing when I get back from my mission. How's that. They'll still be special because of the time I've taken to prepare and trust, but, whether it's my wife or not that doesn't matter. What I do know is that I will kiss someone when I absolutely love her. Maybe marriage won't work for us, but I will love her.... I like that. I will love her.